Sunday, August 5, 2012

Hey, If You're Going to Fabricate Dylan Quotes...

Warning: This photo is not my intellectual property
Jonah Lehrer's book Imagine: How Creativity Works contained a number of fabricated and compiled quotes that he attributed to Bob Dylan. A journalistic crime to be sure, but it was also a shame that the quotes offered no new insights into Bob Dylan's thought processes. 
Here are some quotes that offer a glimpse into the real world of Bob Dylan. 
And, yes I made them up.

"It's always the lyrics that come first. When I get to the point where I think a song works, I sing the lyrics to The Hokey Pokey. If they work with that, they will work with anything else I can come up with." 

"People suggest that I have no rhyme or reason to my touring schedule. Let me just say that it's no accident that I am often playing in cities where the McRib is available for a limited time."

"I did not make a deal with the Devil. I get asked that all the time. We had lunch a couple of times, but that's as far as it went."

"I'm not afraid of my fans, my security guys are."

"I probably listen to Jethro Tull more than anything else. When Tempest is released, you may notice that the title song owes a lot of it's structure to side two of Minstrel in the Gallery"

"It's been said that I never talk to my band. That's preposterous. I talk to them all the time. I do avoid eye contact however."

"Yes, there's a song about coal plants on the new album. It reflects my desire to be the voice of co-generation"

"I'm more than just a singer and songwriter. I paint, write prose and I love to weld. Do you need a new gate?"

"No, Tempest will not be my last album. I'm already midway through an album of children's songs due out in spring. It will either be called Pre-school from the Heart or Milk on the Tracks"

"Shakespeare's last play was called The Tempest. It wasn't called just plain Tempest. The name of my record is just plain Tempest. It's two different titles."

The last item is an actual quote from Bob Dylan's recent interview with Mikal Gilmore of Rolling Stone. I apologize for the oversight. 

If I had a job, I would resign immediately.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Spot Free Rinse for the Soul

What I'm saying this month at

One morning a few weeks ago, I opened the dishwasher and thought, “Why can’t anyone learn how to load the G@# d#@n dishwasher!” Actually, I did not think that, I was reflecting on one of my father’s favorite phrases.
He was a proficient blasphemer and applied this skill to a wide range of topics. Railing about the dishwasher was perhaps his ultimate passion...

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